(Source: bittersweetregret)
(Source: ukanotoji)
(Source: want-to-be-closer)
I’ve noticed that majority of my posts have been so depressing…
and the fact that i haven’t posted in a while is depressing itself. because it means I’m not expressing my feelings as i should. to a black whole in the cyber world.
it lets off steam for me. it chills me down when weed won’t.
I’ve also noticed that the same person that brings a lot of shit into my group and makes me feel so bad about myself is constantly being described within my posts.
and to tell you the truth, this person has strikes again…
BECAUSE I SMOKED CIGARETTES. big fucking whoop.
I’m addicted to trying to calm myself down. trying to make myself be happy. ive tried alcohol.. and well that didn’t fucking work. I have a compromised liver that is affecting me daily. a reflux valve problem of a 90 year old woman. my vital organs are shutting down and i CANT PUT DOWN THE BOTTLE. so now I’ve moved onto my lungs and lets see how lucky i get now.
i don’t have love in my life.
the love in my life is to hate my life.
hate my body
hate everyone around me
hate the world
hate happiness.
there is something wrong with me and i don’t know how to cure it. And the cure is definitely not friends. because i have none.
I don’t have friends…
ha. I’ve finally said it
WHY ME> WHY WHY WHY WHY ME!
im having one of those days when people blame me or get angry at me for things or events that i was NEVER told about or oblivious to.
the fact that people wont tell me or forget to because they are drunk or whatever just confuses me.
I have literatly woken up this morning from going to sleep at 5 o’clock (waking up at 9). From being left on the streets alone in my creep suburb. To be more confused and disorientated in my whole life.
long story short apparently shit went down within my group of friends and i had no idea that even happened. not saying that im not at fault if i am, but the thing is i have no idea if i am even at fault. Didnt even get drunk last night and i remember my night well.
I remember;
- sitting down at a backyard 18th sober watching my mates dance and get drunk whilst i talked to 3 new guys i met
- running around the house looking for a bra
- walking to catch a cab
- getting to the pub
- dancing
- drinking
- falling over multiple times
- being a third wheel
- sitting down and talking
- hooking up with the biggest player on the northern beaches… which my sister also hooked up with. ugh so gross
- sitting outside waiting for a cab with 3 other guys
- my neighbours getting shitty at me because i wouldn’t get in a car with them whilst they were drunk and thinking of drink driving.. which they did!
- getting off at a highschool from the cab because i was in the completely different direction from the boys in the cab
- yelling and ranting to my parents about the events of the night
- getting into bed
- texting a british boy about coffee and debating about my boring scale
- putting on a movie and falling to sleep
then i wake up and my life is upside down
I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOLIES WITH THESE GIRLS AND EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED UP
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh
i hate people.
Fucking sick life when all your mates turn Against you and start making anpiss outta you.
Fuck my life and fuck youse all
